Within the last few weeks I've been doing alot of thinking that I normally shouldnt be doing. I know that he's still in my life and I know that he's always going to be there when I do need him. He'll always be my friend. But fact is, it's going to be hard to really let him go. No matter if I move on with someone new, I know that I won't be able to replace him. No one will be the person that he was in my life no matter what other people say. I know they want me to be happy and want me not to let a guy take me down. Maybe that's why I'm not really feeling anything for other guys cause I dont have any closure with him and everything. And it's hard for me to move on if I dont have any closure with him whatsoever. Thats the one thing I want to do.

I mean I still do care and love him. And I already know that its not going change. No matter what people say and do.

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Well I finally was able to get my feelings out and I gave it to him. So, I think I got to him but I dont know. But he knows how I feel. These are the poems I wrote. One is called "You" and the other is called "Hidden Feelings".



"You"

From the day you said "I love you"
I thought we were meant to be
But from the day we broke apart
I wasn't able to see

We seemed to be the perfect match
You&I were happy as can be
You think you fell out of love
But I can see that you still love me

I see it in your eyes
You want me in your life
You can see it in mines
Im right infront of your sight

You thought we fell apart
You thought we started to fade
But in reality it was all in your mind
You made the choice

You regret what you did
You got rid of what made you happy
Just admit,
you've gone sappy

You let me go
You want to say "Say isn't so"
But realize it now
You can't believe that you let me go!

_______________________________________________________

"Hidden Feelings"

You make me feel like you still matter
But you make me feel sadder
You make me feel I'm on cloud nine
You make me feel like I should die
I feel that you still love me
But don't you see…

I love you & I know you love me
You need to remember, can't you see?
I've been here for you thru thick & thin
And I'm still here for you since
Why can't you see?

I'm standing here with open arms
Don't hide behind closed bars
I care for you like no one else will
As I stand here thinking on the window sill
Anthony, why can't you see?

I need you here standing with me
I love you with all my heart
But I know you love me
Just come out and tell me!
It kills me not to know how you feel

Don't keep it sealed away
knowing that you know I love you
Anthony, you are my one true love
and you're my one&only.

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People say alot of things to get back the people they love the most. Me, I too did do that but I stopped before it got worse. I won'y deny my feelings about him. But I know I still love him and I want him back in my life like he was. But i know that will never be. I have to move on be happy. But I cant stop thinking about him or loving him the way i do. The attraction that I have for him is still there but its confusing except at work. Everything feels like its the same... the only thing that isnt is when one of his friends calls me his girlfriend which im not... and i really miss being that.... I really do

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It's hard to know what do in my situation. Alot has changed and I know that it will change even more. It's hard not to think about all the things that are going on and I know that i have people who will be behind me one hundred percent. One person's opinion on what I do still matters but I need to think of myself right now. I can't have one person take me down when I know things will be looking up. I know that I need to move on, no matter how hard it is. It's something that I need to do.

I know that he's going to be in my life... hopefully And I know that he will always care about me. It's really hard not to think about him knowing that I don't think everything is okay with us. I'm s till living the life the way I should and making sure that I'm taking care of myself for once. I realize that I need to take care of myself before anyone else. That's something I need to learn to do. My whole life, I always put someone who I love and care about first. But this time, I need to put myself first. I know it's going to be hard for me, but it's something that I really need to do for once.

I have to learn to be a better daughter, a better friend, a better person, and most of all, a better girlfriend to someone who loves me with all their heart just like my dad did. It will be hard to fall in-love again after with what's been going on. Because I know that I will always love him with all my heart, and that's not going to change. I know that and so does he. Everything that I'm doing is all life changing. And it's all for the best.

Current Song Playing: Cry by Rihanna

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Alot has happened since last friday... too many mixed emotions and too many things happening. Around him, I'm fine and I still feel the way that I do. That wont change for a fact... I already know it. He's always going to be there for me in my heart in the way that he was. Even if i'm not like that with him... All I really care about is him being in my life... That's it

We maybe confusing the hell out of each other but regardless, We're still there. And I'm sure as hell not going to change that... life has been confusing lately but I know that I'm going to deal with it.. I know it.

i'm going to try and be strong, do what I do best and try and move on with life... My goal right now is getting out and doing my thing... It might mean I have to get another job to get on my own but I will do whatever it takes to keep myself busy and get my mind out of all this. I am doing better compared to last week but it's still hard. I still do love him and nothing will change that. I already know it. No matter how hard I try, I will still feel the same way.

I will make sure that I do get my shit straight and I will make sure that I'm going to try and be happy. Because with all my friends that care, that's what I really need to do right now.

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